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Freespace For Rent
Mar. 18th, 2005
08:44 pm - Report # 3
The NTF: Why and How It Was Started
Good morning. I am Cobra, reporting from FREESPACEFORRENT\FrashSpace(damn, we have a lot of reporters). Today we will be investigating how the Neo Terran Front began. Now, we all know that Admiral Bosch was a bastard for starting the NTF blah blah blah. Yet we have no knowledge why he started it except for the fact that he hated Vasudans. We know no more than that. So, join me on a time travel trip to the year 2366.
*TIME TRAVEL IN PROGRESS. PLEASE WAIT.*
*TIME TRAVEL COMPLETE.*
Me: Good god, there's a lot of ships here. Oh, there's the NTD Repulse! How ya doing, Koth?
Koth: Just who the hell are you?
Me: I'm a figment of your imagination. Oh, by the way, you will suffer a horrible defeat in the future.
Koth: Huh?
Me: Nevermind. Ah, there's the Iceni. *Docks* ... this ship is a lot smaller than it looks.
Iceni Security Guard: You there! State your name and business.
Me: Uh, I'm Cobra, a news reporter, here to investigate how the NTF was started. (What? I didn't know this would happen)
Iceni Security Guard: GTVA spy! Take him!
Me: No! Really!
*5 MINUTES LATER*
Aken Bosch: What's this I hear about you being a spy for the GTVA?
Me: Uh, no. I'm a reporter.
Bosch: Oh. OK.
Me: What made you rebel against the GTVA?
Bosch: I got sick of the GTVA and Vasudans.
Me: Ah. Why were you sick of the Vasudans?
Bosch: Dammit, quit asking me trick questions! GTVA spy! He wants to make the Vasudans angry!
Me: Oh, crap.
*TIME TRAVEL IN PROGRESS. PLEASE WAIT.*
*TIME TRAVEL COMPLETE*
Lt. Cmdr. Snipes: DIVE, DIVE, DIVE! HIT YOUR BURNERS, PILOT!!
*SLAM, BOOM*
Me: Uh, wrong time. Hmm... let's go to when the Iceni disappeared into the nebula.
*TIME TRAVEL IN PROGRESS. PLEASE WAIT*
*TIME TRAVEL COMPLETE*
Me: Well, there's the Knossos, and a pack of Myrmidons... oh, that's Alpha wing! Hey, Alpha 1!
A1: What? Who the hell are you?
Me: Uh, I'm God.
A1: Hmm. Deja vu...
Me: Don't let the Iceni escape!
A1: What? The Iceni hasn't even arrived yet.
Me: Nevermind. There's a cruiser that will jump in....NOW!
A2: NTF Cruiser inbound! The rebels are beginning their charge!
A1: Ugh... damn rebels...
Me: Let's go to the GTCv Monitor, see how they're doing.
Monitor Captain: Oh my god...
Me: What?
MC: Ahh! Who are you?
Me: Dude, calm down. I'm a reporter from the future.
MC: Oh no, I'm reliving that expired tofu...
Me: Ooookay. We're not gonna get anywhere here...
*CRASH, BOOM*
Me: Oh, shit. Alpha wing didn't do their job.
*MISSION RESTART*
Me: We're back... Alpha, don't let the Monitor get destroyed!
A1: Wha? Who?
A2: Hmm. Deja vu...
*5 MINUTES LATER*
Command: Teh Colossus has jumped in. All fighters pull back!
Me: Let's see how the Colossus' crew is doing. Oop, wait. here comes the Iceni. Hope he doesn't remember me...
*ON BOARD THE ICENI*
Bosch: Are the saboteurs in position?
Operations Officer: Yes, sir.
Me: Hi.
Bosch: Yow! Who are you? You look familiar... have we met before?
Me: Uh, no. What's this I hear about saboteurs?
Bosch: We've set saboteurs in the Colossus' weapons area so they can't fire on us.
Me: I see. Clever.
Bosch: It is, isn't it? Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm about to jump into the Knossos.
Me: Righto.
*TIMEWARP IN PROGRESS. PLEASE WAIT*
*TIMEWARP COMPLETE*
Well, there you have it. Not much of a report but it was a good adventure, wasn't it? This is Cobra, reporting from the Hard Light Productions team. Good night. *Stupid Theme Song*
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TiredFeb. 25th, 2005
03:39 am - Here, a little thing I wrote just for you.
Since I haven't updated in a while, due to school...
I figured I'd give this bit to you. Wrote it when I was bored.
What Bosch says: I demand UNFETTERED ACCESS to the Sirius jump node!
What Bosch Means: I demand UNFETTERED ACCESS to the Sirius jump node!
What Command Hears: Let me into Polaris, you fuckin' pricks who are too scared to come into real combat! I mean, really, these wages! They are killing me! I'm fucking dieing here! I'm fucking dieing! 50,000 dollars a year for an admiral? Even a damned scientist who is researching a subspace portal gets 20,000 dollars!
What Command Thinks: Subspace portal? Wtf? There is no subspace portal?
What Bosch Thinks: shit... said too much *Shivans laughing in the background*
*the entire GTVA laughs for a minute at the same time, even the ones sleeping. then they all look at each other and say "what?" in a confused tone like they didn't know what the fuck Bosch was talking about while at the same time while exchanging confused looks on their faces.*
and, of course... Kappa
What Happened in Alpha 1's eyes: OMFG! KAPPA HAS GONE MISSING!
What Happened in Kappa Wing's eyes...
Kappa 1: Pass me some of dat' shit, man...
Kappa 2: *takes a drag on a joint* Word...
Kappa 4: Hell yes...
Kappa 3: Oh... colors...
Kappa 4: *drops joint* *seat catches on fire*
Kappa 2: Burn baby, burn.
Kappa 1: Oh shit...
*Kappa wing, except Kappa 3, explodes*
Kappa 3: *sigh* at least I'm still al-
*Sathanas warps in. 'Nough said.*
-InfernoGod
Feb. 8th, 2005
08:44 pm - The Second Report
This report was written by Charismatic. Title:
THE TRINITY INCIDENT: WHAT REALLY HAPPENED
Hello everyone, this is your test broadcast, done by Sp3, and hosted by your every day HLP, and EVO productions. I am here today to show you guys what really happened in the Trinity incident.
We all know that it was some ship in a nebula, which got blown up by the Shivans. (who else?) So after our theme song we will be taking you back to the very ship itself.
*Curtain closes*
OK, boys, hit it!
*Batman theme song.*
What the... Try the next one.
*Corny theme song*
Yeah, thats it.
*Curtain opens*
Welcome back. Now we will take you to the Mystery of the Trinity.
TIMEWARP IN PROGRESS. PLEASE WAIT.
TIMEWARP COMPLETE.
Ok, we're arriving at the beginning of the mission TSM-106, no, um, M.. mg? M..oh, whatever.
Alpha 2: Visual in range. I've got something big!
Command: What is it Alpha? Is it a Rakshasa or a Cain?
A2: Umm... I pick C, cruiser. Fenris class.
Me: Yada yada yada, Alpha One, can I speak with you?
A1: Call me Sauce, A-1 Sauce, and who the hell are you?
Me: Your, eh... *checks*, wingman.
A1: I don't recall...
Me: Listen, I'm going to talk with the captain of that ship. Don't let it die. Shivans will arrive, over... here!
A1: How the hell do you know?
Me: ....
Alright... So, we have let the Terrans know of the Shivan's plans. Ah, here we are. I'm attempting to dock with it now...
*Major Shivan pwnage, and the Trinity explodes*
Me: SHIT! OK...
*MISSION RESTART*
Me: Don't let them blow it up this time!
A1: What? Who?
Me: Argh!
*Shivan pwnage*
*Boom!*
Me: Son of a *****...
*SKILL LEVEL SET TO VERY EASY*
Me: There, that should do it. Lets try again, shall we?
*TEN MINUTES LATER*
*Pwnage*
Me: AHH!!
*A second later*
Me: Aha!
*MISSION RESTART*
Me: OK... it shouldn't be much longer now, I'm typing in the cheat codes... There, now the Trinity is invincible. Ah, we've docked.
*Sounds of people yelling*
Arthur Romeg: Who's that?
Me: Oh, just Alpha and Iota getting pwned on very easy. I have a few questions for you. How did your ship get stuck in this nebula defenseless and engine-less?
Romeg: Are you kidding me? Shivan pwange! Next question.
*ADDED SCENE*
Me: What's on board here? Early ETAK, some deep dark NTF secert? Death Star plans? What?
Romeg: *Hides some papers behind his back* Um... nothing.
Me: What's that then?
Romeg: What's what?
Me: That!
Romeg: What?
Me: There.
Romeg: Oh, nothing.
Me: In your hand!
Romeg: It's toilet paper.
Me: Toilet paper?
Romeg: Yeah.
Me: Why are you holding toilet paper?
Romeg: Hey, keep it appropriate for the kids and the folks watching this.
Me: How do you know that?
Romeg: What?
Me: *Sigh* Never mind.
Romeg: It's my personal prison records, alright?
Me: Let me see... BETAC! BETAC! Rights are protected under the Beta Aquilae Convention. This is getting nowhere. So...
*END OF ADDED SCENE*
Me: How long do you think it'll take to get the engines back on-line? They have been working for 30 minutes. They said a jury rig would take 15 minutes.
Romeg: Let's find out.
Alright people, now we will now finally find out why the engines never got on-line during the millions of times we have played this mission-on-very-easy-to-beat-which-it-al
Me: Hey you, why aren't the engines on-line?
Engineer 1: Um... I forgot my tools back at the base.
Me: Why don't you go back and get them?
Engineer 1: I'm too scared. I've pissed my pants already, what more do you expect from me??? *Shivers as a explosion is heard*
Me: What the hell? *sighs* Let's try to forget about that. You, what rank are you? We all know engineers are well trained.
Engineer 2: Uh, I'm a ensign...
Engineer 1: And they dragged me here yesterday. Don't ask me why.
Me: Oh my god, this is pathetic. Hey, Romeg, where are you going? Wait up!
Sit tight while we follow Romeg through this ship that is being shot into tiny bits and pieces of metal, while we speak (Shivan pwnage).
Me: What are you doing?
Romeg: Holy crap, we're at 1%.
Me: Why aren't you scared?
Romeg: We have been at 1% for about 20 minutes now. Hey, who are you anyway?
Me: I'm Sp3. Nice to meet you. Hey, what kind of meat you got here anyway?
Romeg: Your kidding right? Who the hell puts a number in their name? Your're an idiot.
Me: Why you little... *slaps Romeg* Wait, no I didn't mean it! No, stop, AHHH! Dont take me to the brig! Please don't! Wait come back!! Bah. He thinks he can put me in brig, does he? Well I'll show him.
Taking off invincibility... and putting it on me.
*Ship explodes*
Command: Dammit, we've lost the Trinity. All units return to base.
Me: Damn, it's cold out here. I wonder how I'm breathing in space? Hey, Command, mind giving me a ride?
Command: Who are you? How did you get this channel?
Me: *Shrugs* OK folks, that's it for today's report. Let's go home.
TIMEWARP IN PROGRESS. PLEASE WAIT
TIMEWARP COMPLETE
OK, people, we have just learned why the Trinity never survived, even on very easy (and 20 minutes of invincibility didnt help much either, did it?), and the engineers piss themselves. Command seems to have a tendancy to send out ill-equipped teams and reinforcements.
That's it guys, and have a good night.
Sp3, reporting. Signing out!
Jan. 31st, 2005
09:58 pm - Report 1
The Galatea: Damn, That Hole's Gonna Take a Lot of Metal to Patch Up
Good morning. I am InfernoGod, reporting to you live for Hard Light Productions. Join me this week as I investigate the Lucifer's attack on the Galatea.
*Stupid Theme Song*
The Galatea. During The Great War, it was one of the GTA's finest ships. Unfortunately, the Lucifer took the liberty of destroying it. But you don't know the true story. Sure, you saw the Lucifer punch a hole in it. But you only saw what happened outside. I'm here, at the GTVA's Records to investigate further. Here, they have archived everything that happened. Alright, let's see what we have here... Janet Jackson: Banned from Half Time Shows... Ah, here we go: Freespace: The Great War. Let's take a look, shall we? *flips open to the page about the attack on the Galatea and reads the article*
The Galatea was destroyed today by the Shivan superdestroyer Lucifer. Admiral Wolfe was killed. See obituaries. *flips to obituaries* Admiral Wolfe died on the Galatea. See the Galatea Is Destroyed Article. *flips to the article* The Galatea was... stupid archives. Why flip back and forth when we can go talk to the survivors? We'll take a trip back to 2335, during The Great War.
*Time Travel In Progress, Please Stand By*
Welcome to the year 2335, where the ships sucked and the weapons were suckier. We're here, at the Battle of Deneb, to interview Alpha 1. *begins to fly at a slow pace* Stupid Ursa... Oh! So that's why there was an Ursa in the opening cinema of FS2! Or so I'm told... Anyway, *flies behind Alpha 1*.
Me: Good day, Alpha 1!
A1 (Steak Sauce): Who the hell are you?
Me: I'm InfernoGod.
A1: ...
Me: I rule you all. I will...uh... stop the Shivans for good in the second sequal.
A1: Then do something about this guys!
Me: Use the Net, Alpha!
A1: What?
Me: Use the net! Go to www.volition-inc.com for free cheats!
A1: *sqree!!!! awh!!!!!! bzzzz!!!!!!!* Stupid dial-up...
Me: Here, use my modem. *fires modem out of a missile tube*
*ALPHA 1 WAS KILLED BY A FRIGGEN NEWS REPORTER*
Me: Uh... Hold on...
*MISSION RESTART*
Me: Alpha 1, I am God. Answer me a few questions.
A1: Look, if it's about the space crack, I'm sorry.
Me: How do you feel about the Galatea being destroyed?
A1: It's...still here.
Me: *www.volition-inc.com. Targeting Galatea. ~K.*
Command: Good god, we've lost teh Galatea!
Me: She's gone now.
A1: Crap... And I was so close.
Me: So, how do you feel?
A1: Terrible. Admiral Wolfe died.
Me: You should feel terrible. Because of your failure, you will now be stationed on a stupid ship with an equally stupid name: the Bastion.
A1: That sucks.
Me: You didn't protect the escape pods either. You bad man.
A1: I'm kinda in grieving here!
Me: Whatever.
Alright, that interview didn't go so well. Let's go to another source- Admiral Wolfe, the Spirit of Christmas Deneb. Or maybe he was just a ghost. We'll find out though. To find him, we must die!
*INFERNOGOD HAS SELF-DESTRUCTED, BUT HE HAS CREATED A BACK-UP FILE*
Well, here we are. We've gotta find Admiral Wolfe. Jeez, there are a lot of Shivans here. Hey, is that Carl? Wow. Look at of all of the ghostly lunches he's getting. Wonder how he got here. Anyway, let's find Admiral Wolfe.
*unos momentos despues de llegar* (a few moments after arriving)
Alright, here is Admiral Wolfe. Let's ask him a few questions.
Me: Good morning, Admiral Wolfe.
Wolfe: Have you come to give me your head?
Me: ...No. My head has already been signed off to HLP, Vasudan Division.
Wolfe: Then what do you want?
Me: I want the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Wolfe: About...
Me: THE GALATEA! *dramatic music*
Wolfe: I'm sorry, I didn't hear you properly. Did you say I was gay?
Me: No, I said THE GALATEA *more dramatic music*
Wolfe: And...what significance does the Galatea have to you?
Me: Hey, right now, a lot of people are reading this, and giving me "wtf" faces. So just go along.
Wolfe: OK.
Me: What were your thoughts when the Galatea was destroyed.
Wolfe: Something along the lines of "Shit".
Me: Do you know how much metal would have been used to patch up the Galatea's gaping hole?
Wolfe: A lot. More than Command wanted to use. Because they suck.
Me: I see. Would it make you any happier to know that the Galatea is still floating out there? I saw it in the opening scene of FS2.
Wolfe: Obviously. Command leaves a lot of stuff out there.
Me: Like...
Wolfe: Well, they sometimes empty the headz storage bay.
Me: Interesting. Well, I'm going to prevent this thing from becoming too big. So I should get going. Thanks for your time.
Wolfe: Have fun.
And there you have it. The Galatea, one of the GTA's finest ships, was destroyed by a ship that had a kickass shield. And sweet beams. Pwnage. Thank you.
accomplished